Patience in Change

"The only thing that is static in life is change." Swami Mahayogananda

As I prepare to head back home after a semester in Los Angeles, I am realizing that I have changed quite a lot this semester, and coming back to a place I once easily called home might not be so easy. That is not to say that Coronado is no longer home, because that could not be farther from the truth. But this semester has been unlike any experience I have ever had, and has been filled with many harsh realities that have changed the way I think, say, and do things. While I may seem different to you, I promise that I am more Michaela than I have ever been, because I know God is behind all of this (at times) challenging growth.

That being said, I would like to mention a few things about myself now that I am coming back.

I am probably going to get very easily frustrated or overwhelmed by things that may seem small to you. Please be patient with me in those moments, especially when I may need to vent about it.

If I get upset with you about something you say or do that sets me off because of my experiences here, do not take it personally. Please know that I have done my best not to have this reaction, but I probably cannot help it any longer. Again, I ask for your patience. I just need a bit of space right now, but I promise I still love you.

My thoughts might be jumbled and I may not always know what to say. This may mean I am more quiet than usual, because I have spent a lot of time alone and in silence this past semester. If you know anything about me, you know I usually talk quite a lot. I promise this silence is alright. And if I say I am okay, I promise I am okay.

Please ask me questions! I want to answer them. Do not not shy away from the hard questions, either. Those mean the most to me because I know you have thought about it and genuinely want to know. Obviously, if the question is hard, my answer might take a little longer, but I promise to make it worth your while. (I also happen to have a list of questions I would love for you to ask, should you feel at a loss.)

I do not really know how I feel about the Church as an institution now. I do not actually know how I feel about quite a few things relating to Christianity, to be honest. Don't worry: I do know for certain that the Lord is still my Savior and that will never change. If I disagree with you, it is only because I am truly curious and want to know more.

I have some small ideas and practices now that I enjoy quite a lot (like meditation). As a heads up, you might think it is really weird.

And finally, yes, I know how to make proper South Indian curry. No, I will not make it for everyone who asks. Only on special occasions or if I happen to really like you. So please don't ask me all the time. :)

As I prepare to come back, tomorrow, to my smallish island hometown that I love so much, I ask humbly for your patience. I do not know how I am going to feel, what I am going to think, or how I may come across. But again, I promise I still love you and, more than anything, I promise I am still me.