In Five Years

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For most of my life, I haven't thought much about my future. Thinking big picture like that stresses me out. I have spent the last 22 years afraid that if I plan too much for the future, the Lord will take those plans away from me. It was not until this past year or so that I have felt that the Lord was inviting me to plan. In fact, I feel as if the Lord has been demanding that I plan. I have lived under the facade that God will give me a purpose and a plan as a way to hide my fear of the future. As I said, I have realized recently that the Lord is asking me to make the plan and trust in the ways the Lord will carry my dreams into existence. I am still learning the art of speaking these dreams into existence, part of what I know the Lord is asking of me in this season. So as I prepare to graduate from college and step into the next chapter of my life, here are the dreams I have and where I see myself in the next five years. 

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I want to change the world. That is a lofty goal, and it seems like everyone wants to do something lasting and meaningful these days. Everyone wants to believe that their life is significant and that they can make a dramatic change. But that is not my goal. I just want to see the Kingdom of God flourish more here and now. And I am passionate about people. To bridge these two passions, I want to work in a community development career. In five years, I see myself working with an organization that is committed to serving marginalized communities to build sustainable change. I see myself loving on people who struggle to feel love, pouring my whole self into giving for others. I want to forget myself for the sake of the Kingdom.

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Five years from now, as I speak my dreams into existence, I will be exposed. I will be overwhelmingly forgiving, because I am overwhelmingly forgiven. To be whole is to be exposed, vulnerable, maybe even broken? And as scary as that sounds, I want to step into that. I want to jump into the pools of being that are so deep, I have no hope of being anything else. As these thoughts flow freely and unedited onto this page, I am forcing myself to continue to put these thoughts down. Having these words in public, not hidden in a journal somewhere, will force me to live in this reality. This is not just a dream for 5 years from now. It is living now. 

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More tangibly, five years from now, I will be pursuing fully whatever the Lord has in store for me. I am not going to put that future off as something for the Lord to plan, however. I will take the steps I know are being demanded of me. Five years from now, I will be married. I will be pursuing my dreams alongside the dreams of my man. We will be a team, meshed together as one, indiscernibly supportive of one another as we pursue the creative, chaotic, perfect claim of grace in our lives. Five years from now I will be writing, creating, dreaming, and stepping outside of my comfort zone daily. I will be living in a home with the love of my life and I will not be settling for anything less than my dreams. I am not going to wait for five years to live in this reality either. 

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This was only supposed to be a paragraph, and here I am having written a whole life plan. While it may not seem as specific as expected, it is where I need to be. It is specific to my heart in this season. It is true of where I will be. For most of my life, I haven't thought much about the future, but now this is all I can think about. Everyday I am making decisions and steps to bring about the life I want, and the life I know the Lord has for me. Five years from now starts now.