A Hopeful Hello to 2018

Since the start of 2017, I have filled two and a half journals with my thoughts, hopes, questions, prayers, and general reflections on life. As I look back on them now, at the beginning of 2018, I am struck by just how many words I had to describe a year that now seems indescribable. No words can fully capture what 2017 was like for me. It was a year of challenges, tears, laughter, inexplicable joy, loss, learning, support, disappointment, growth, self-discovery, passion, love, anger, grief, questions, and so much more. But as of January 2, 2018, I would not say that the past year was filled with hope. Hope is not a word I would use to describe my 2017. And yet as I look back through the two and a half journals saturated with my own words, I see one strong theme: hope. I started my 2017 absolutely bubbling over with hope for the what the year would hold.

Then I spent the first five months of 2017 living in Koreatown, Los Angeles, and had my heart utterly broken for this world. Those five months were easily some of the hardest of my life, and I have walked away from my time in LA as a deeply different person. As I have learned to navigate my life after an experience my brain seems to have labeled traumatic for whatever reason, I am learning just how much I have grown. But I have lost sight of the hope. I seem to have forgotten all of the beautiful, life-giving moments I experienced in Los Angeles to what I have come to label as the "darkness" of the world.

In light of this (no pun intended), as I have been reflecting upon this past year, I am stunned by how quickly it went by and how radically I have changed in that time. I have encountered so many beautiful people, met with some harsh realities, and faced even harder truths. I have stared failure in the face, and I have laughed at it. I have cried a lot of tears, and laughed even more. 2017 was a year of growth, a time of courage, and a season of learning. 2017 was a year of rejoicing and of mourning, and even though it was so hard at times, I am thankful for it. Now I need to more forward with the things I have gained.

I will move forward with the hope I seem to have lost before.

This next year will bring mighty growth, I am sure. 2018 will be the year I turn 21, the year I enter my senior year of college, the year I spend approximately five months in a completely foreign country all by myself. So as I welcome 2018 and reflect upon my 2017, I will choose to focus on hope. I spent much of 2017 feeling frustrated, isolated, and misunderstood. While I am entering 2017 with some of the same feelings, I want my perspective to change. Instead of feeling defeated when I cannot change the situation of the man on the street without a home, or overwhelmed when other's emotions seem trivial to me, I will work to choose hope. I will be secure in knowing the Lord is orchestrating everything in this world for a divine purpose so much larger than myself. I will be confident in the moments of my life that are unknown or feel mundane, because I know that He will carry me through. I will commit myself to healing, to walking with those around me in grace and humility, and I will be unapologetic about it all.

Something tells me 2018 is about to be a big year. At least I hope so.